Saturday, January 29, 2011

If mallus ruled the wErld….

Being a mallu has its plus points and then it has its minuses. One of the pluses is that all any of us has to do to make more money is go to the gElf. They love us. …  a minus -  our accent gets made fun of… worse, we the ones making fun of it..

Now considering the fact that we mallus have successfully taken over the werld’s oil producing countries aka the gElf its only (thick mallu agkcent) a matter of time that we will take over the wErld and if this happened….

We’d have little wodden ‘kaala’ (toddy) shops in every three kms and a hostipal as far away from them as possible so if any of those people who like getting intoxicated regularly fall prey to any kind of poisoning, they would be dead by the time they reach the hospitals.

We’d propagate the ‘one cgocgonut tree per family’ scheme. Just so we can make the wErld look like God’s own country. (wink)

Elephants would be the official wErld animal and chickens the official wErld bird.

The way God’s own country is exporting teachers to the Gelf , learning the mallu agkcent will be made compulsory in every school. Making fun of the mallu agckent will lead to death by chopping the accused into small pieces, since that’s the trend down south with anyone who has anything against anyone else these days. (wink)

There will be atleast one ‘Bandh’ in a week which will lead to public holidays every week. Now that is something I’ll be looking forward to.

When it comes to ‘Blingage’ no one surpasses a mallu house wife not even the richest Afro- American rap artist. So yeah Bling will be made an ‘in thing’ forever.

Every male will compulsorily have to wear a ‘mundu’ (lungi) once a week, probably on a Monday and a stripped underpant that looks something like a boxer with a long naada underneath. We don’t care how you hold it up but you’ll have to. We’ll rule remember.  Don’t make that face, that’s how it’s done in the south.

Now with all the ridiculous things we’ll be making everyone do we have to do some good things too. We are green loving, egco-friendly peeps so, we’ll make eating on banana leaves compulsory too, but, you’ll have to grow your own banana trees for that. We’d rather encourage our citizens to take up such good responsibilities than doing some good for them ourselves.

Sylviakutty.. :D

PS: This is a dig at my own ‘homies’. This article is not meant to hurt anyone’s sentiments except some Mallu’s who will behave like their usually egotistic selves (wink again)