East or West, South is the best!

GooGle - 'Mallu'

In my search for a topic for my next blog post I tried googling the 0h- so- holy- word… ‘Mallu’ and all these various results of ‘Malayali’ blogs with writers dissing Mallus, ‘Malayali friendship’ sites and ‘Mallu matrimonial’ sites and even sites with Mallu blue films popped up.

This blog talked about all the beautiful mallu traits we have like our excessive obsession with gold, loving coconuts, being commi’s and thinking that we are the only saviours of the downtrodden – oh wait I wrote about something like that. I guess us Mallu’s can’t stop talking about ourselves.

Coming back to the friendship sites... like who would deliberately go type ‘Malayali friend’ into the Google search-bar. (Lol) We are everywhere. Why the hell would we have to search for a Mallu friend?

Mallu Matrimonial sites- hmmmm . This was only created because our parents’ obsession with people from our community. I have no idea what sadistic pleasure Mallu folks get from getting their kids married to another Mallu. [Note: My generation didn’t just randomly begin dissing our kind, this was courtesy Mallu’s from gen-u, v, w (I am suppose to be from the gen –x.)]

There were even sites with pictures of ‘mallu sex-bombs’. What the hell is that? My advice to any Bollywood actresses who want let go or are overweight. You have a bright future in the south (I rest my case.)

There are real websites dedicated to Mallu jokes. Like really. We have 28 states. How many times do you get to see Assami or Kashmiri jokes or even jokes on people from some other south Indian state like Tamil-nadu may be? [Inference – we are very phunny peoples.]

It is funny how when instead of the word ‘Keralite’ I typed in the werd ‘Mallu’ and I got all these really weird sites that popped up. Not one site that talked about the beautiful places or the awesome food or the rich heritage and culture.

I guess we just Phunnier this way huh.

Sylviakutty.

All time favourite Mallu Bites

This is a list of a few Mallu dishes that I think are on every Mallu’s ‘favourite food’ list and for all the non-Mallus reading this, these are some dishes you must try out at least once in your life.

Paripa wada

Now one thing mallus all over the world love I think is ‘Pripa wada’. It is what people here call ‘dal wada’. Street side stalls, restaurants and even in the Mumbai locals, yes Mumbai locals, you’ll find it everywhere.

Prota and Beef curry

Wow this is one of my all time favourites. It’s like a maida roti and the awsomest spicy beef curry in the world to accompany it. You can see even the most stern health freaks biting into this ‘hard to digest but still yummy dish’.

Karri-Meen Porichada

Karri-Meen is a fish found both in salt and fresh water. It is a mallu delicacy. If you’re not a mallu and love fish, this is one dish you have to try out. This fish is marinated with different spices, fried in coconut oil and served on a banana leaf (slurp).

Kappa and meen curry

In English, it is just tapioca steamed and then cooked with grated coconut, turmeric, chilly and curry leaves served with fish curry. Another absolutely ‘yum’ mallu dish.

Mutton stew and Appam

Appam is something like a rice pancake and is served with a mutton stew which is just a fancy name for mutton curry made with coconut milk.

Puttu and Kadala curry

‘Puttu’ is made with steamed rice powder and grated coconut and is served with ‘Kadala’ or for non mallus ‘Bengal gram’ curry.

Fish Molly

This is basically any fleshy fish, first fried and then cooked with a curry made of coconut milk and a whole load of spices. Something no mallu can resist.

Sylviakutty :D

P.S: These are just some favourites i could think of. You are welcome to add your favourites to the list.

Few Places to visit in God’s own Country

Trivandrum
Thiruvananthapuram (known as Trivandrum) the capital of Kerala. Located at the South Western tip of India, is bounded by the Arabian sea on the West and Tamil Nadu on the East. The wooded highlands on the Western Ghats in the Eastern and North Eastern borders give some of the most enchanting picnic spots, a long shorline, with internationally renowned beaches, historic monuments, backwater stretches and a rich cultural heritage make this district a much sought after tourist destination.

Kovalam
An appealing beach, Kovalam lies about 12Km south of Trivandrum. It consists of two palm-fringed beaches
separated by rocky headlands. There are numerous bars and cafes lined up on the shore side and you can enjoy a variety of fresh seafood or continental cuisine. A must see is the Padmanabapuram Palace (40 km south) built fully out of wood.

Varkala
This small town in Kerala is well-known because of the Janardhana Swamy temple, which holds its legend for over 2000 years. To honour the ancestors the residents of this town celebrate Arattu every year in March/April. The sun, sea and the calm beach under the red cliff attracts western visitors to this delightful place.

Kollam [Quilon]
Quilon or Kollam is located 155 km south of Cochin with old timber buildings and red clay tile roofings, which is a mark of typical Kerala architecture. For most tourist Kollam is either a starting point or the last stop of their backwater trip. The much cherished ashram of Mata Amritanandamayi is in the proximity of Kollam.

Alleppey
This pleasant easy-going market town, criss-crossed by canals and surrounded by coconut plantations, is also known as the Venice of the east and is one of the starting points for backwater trips. The famous Snake Boat race, which takes place each year in the second week of August, is a spectacular event not to be missed.

Kumarakom
Kumarakom is an island in the Vembanad lake, on the backwaters of Kerala. It is an ideal starting point for a
backwater trip. The various rivers, lagoons, channels and lakes here form a unique scenic network of water routes.
The romantic houseboats converted from former rice boats, can be used for a comfortable stay overnight.

Thekkady
Thekkady is tucked amidst lush green tea gardens. It is one of the best places to visit tea, coffee and spice gardens and have a taste of delicious Cardamom tea. Adjacent to it is the Periyar wild Life Sanctuary with its unsullied grasslands and "Blue Mountains". A boat ride in the lake running through the sanctuary provides an opportunity to watch wild animals like elephants, deer and scores of water birds. A guided walk through the serene forest with beautiful birds and scent of the woods can be quite invigorating.

Munnar
A scenic four-hour drive from Cochin takes you to Munnar, a nature lover's paradise. This place with its hillside rivulets and streams running along the roads, extensive tea plantations, and breathtaking views also has a sizable population of wildlife. A stroll through Eravikulam National park will bring you 'face to face' with a good population of Ibex. Mudapetty Dam is an ideal picnic spot on the route to the 'Top station', from where you can enjoy the views of the valley.

EPIC FAIL!

If mallus ruled the wErld….

Being a mallu has its plus points and then it has its minuses. One of the pluses is that all any of us has to do to make more money is go to the gElf. They love us. …  a minus -  our accent gets made fun of… worse, we the ones making fun of it..

Now considering the fact that we mallus have successfully taken over the werld’s oil producing countries aka the gElf its only (thick mallu agkcent) a matter of time that we will take over the wErld and if this happened….

We’d have little wodden ‘kaala’ (toddy) shops in every three kms and a hostipal as far away from them as possible so if any of those people who like getting intoxicated regularly fall prey to any kind of poisoning, they would be dead by the time they reach the hospitals.

We’d propagate the ‘one cgocgonut tree per family’ scheme. Just so we can make the wErld look like God’s own country. (wink)

Elephants would be the official wErld animal and chickens the official wErld bird.

The way God’s own country is exporting teachers to the Gelf , learning the mallu agkcent will be made compulsory in every school. Making fun of the mallu agckent will lead to death by chopping the accused into small pieces, since that’s the trend down south with anyone who has anything against anyone else these days. (wink)

There will be atleast one ‘Bandh’ in a week which will lead to public holidays every week. Now that is something I’ll be looking forward to.

When it comes to ‘Blingage’ no one surpasses a mallu house wife not even the richest Afro- American rap artist. So yeah Bling will be made an ‘in thing’ forever.

Every male will compulsorily have to wear a ‘mundu’ (lungi) once a week, probably on a Monday and a stripped underpant that looks something like a boxer with a long naada underneath. We don’t care how you hold it up but you’ll have to. We’ll rule remember.  Don’t make that face, that’s how it’s done in the south.

Now with all the ridiculous things we’ll be making everyone do we have to do some good things too. We are green loving, egco-friendly peeps so, we’ll make eating on banana leaves compulsory too, but, you’ll have to grow your own banana trees for that. We’d rather encourage our citizens to take up such good responsibilities than doing some good for them ourselves.

Sylviakutty.. :D

PS: This is a dig at my own ‘homies’. This article is not meant to hurt anyone’s sentiments except some Mallu’s who will behave like their usually egotistic selves (wink again)